We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize