just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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