what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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