I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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