Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
