i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
