I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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