A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
