I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
