I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
