You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize