so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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