Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize