i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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