I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
