do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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