Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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