what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
