Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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