my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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