Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
