He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
