we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
40s are totally the cure
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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