im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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