i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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