My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
