i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
