i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
