Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
