There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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