Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
