I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not ubering you a puppy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
