i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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