I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
