I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
