But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
