What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
