I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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