Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
