the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
