They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
