I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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