Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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