i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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