you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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