My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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