I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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