What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
