I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
