i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
