i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
