Your face is a jimmy john
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
