At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
