He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
