I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
