he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
