I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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