The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
