I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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