I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
