I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did i walk over a car last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
