She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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