I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize