I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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