I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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