i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
