I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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