i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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